Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
