I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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