Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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