Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
