No stitches, just platelets and will power
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
