It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
