I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
