there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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