After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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