i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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