yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
