Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
