I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
