If i come over, it means nothing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
