Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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