I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We just shotgunned beers for America
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
