when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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