when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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