so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
