When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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