how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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