then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
