I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
