pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
