i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
