Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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