I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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