She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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