Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
