every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
not ubering you a puppy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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