I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
