She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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