I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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