I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
