I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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