Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
