drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
