Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
