so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
not ubering you a puppy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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