my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
