Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
