I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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