Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You left your phone here
Wait...
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