dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
