I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
