You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
