He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
