He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
