And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
