I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
