My hand turned me down
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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