direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
