you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
