Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
