I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize