Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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