Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
