I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
