As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
