Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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