remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
