If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
