So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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