I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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