She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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