my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
