I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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