remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
