There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
