My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize