one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
