you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
