so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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