Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
