She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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