I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
