Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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