This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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